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24 May 2018 @ 04:41 pm
Fic - Goodnight, Sweetheart  

Title: Goodnight, Sweetheart
Sam's not feeling too good, but Jess will take care of him, right? Featuring sick!Sam.
Rating: PG13
Genre/Pairing: Sam/Jess and Dean

Warnings: Language.
Word Count: 1000
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural that privilege belongs to CW, Kripke and Co, I'm simply borrowing them for a while. I'm not making a profit, this is just for fun and all the standard disclaimers apply.
A/N: This was written for the 2018 Happy Birthday Sam - Hurt v Comfort challenge at ohsam for lennelle's prompt. A huge thank you to my wonderful beta harrigan for the speedy once over. I've tinkered so all mistakes are mine.
A/N 2: Eek, I'm a bit late with this, but there's always room for sick!Sam, right?!

Goodnight, Sweetheart

The gentle hum of the ceiling fan, and the squeaky springs of the mattress underneath his body tells Sam all he needs to know; he's in the bunker, and judging by the smell of crispy bacon, it must be Dean's turn to make breakfast.

The digital clock next to his bed reads 09:36 and he can't remember the last time he slept in this late or this hard. He's usually run a good five miles and done some research on whatever case they're working on by this time.

Jess stirs next to him, her warm body snuggled up next to his as she sighs deeply; her hair a mass of tangled yellow curls, her eyelashes fluttering gently in sleep.

He tilts his head on the pillow and watches her sleep for a while. She looks so peaceful; all tucked up, the covers pulled up to her chin. She's always felt the cold, and Sam often finds her wearing one of his old hoodies and wrapped in a heap of blankets on one of the chairs in the library, complaining to Dean about the heating in the bunker.

It's so quiet, and Sam finds himself watching the ceiling fan spin and spin, until he feels oddly nauseous, and a dull headache starts to pound in his temples.

But other than that he's never felt so rested, so comfortable, and so at home. Feeling no urgency to break to the peace and quiet, he burrows back under the covers, his bare feet tangling with Jess's, who groans and then rolls over onto her side, allowing Sam to bury his face into the nape of her neck, his arms wrapping around her and pulling her close.

He lets his heavy eyelids close and gets pulled back under far too easily.

When he opens his eyes again, Jess is staring at him, her blue eyes alert and awake.

“You're drooling.” Her tone is teasing as she scrunches her nose in mock disgust. She tries to tidy her wild hair, fingers combing through unruly curls before eventually tying it up into a scruffy top knot with the hair tie that always seems to be around her wrist.

Then she's leaning over him, running a playful hand through his hair, fingernails rubbing into his scalp, and a little frown wrinkles her forehead. “You feeling OK?”

Her palm lingers on his forehead; cool to the touch, and it cuts through the haze in his mind. Maybe he does feel off? It's just not something that he can put his finger on, especially now, with Jess's soft hands running over his face, and then settling over his pulse point on his neck. It feels relaxing, and damn, he's just so tired and that headache is still lingering in the background.

“Hey, no napping without answering my question!” She nudges him, and maybe it hurts more than it should for the meagre effort she puts into it. If he concentrates hard enough he thinks he can feel the bruise forming; his skin warming as the blood rises sluggishly to the surface.

“Sam, I mean it. I need you to talk to me. What's going on?”

He hears the urgency and fear in her voice, and then he feels a sharp sting on his left cheek and his eyes shoot open. Did she just slap him?

He thinks he tells her that he's fine, but honestly he isn't sure, his whole body feels itchy and sore, like it doesn't belong to him at all, and he just can't shake this bone-deep weariness that seems to be stuck to him like an unwelcome shadow.

“I'm getting Dean.” He feels the mattress shift underneath him as she gets up, and hears the soft pad of her bare feet on the concrete floor, and then the door hinge squeaks as she pulls it open.

He's just so damn tired.

It's dark. The lamp on his desk is lit, and everything is drowned in thick shadows that seem to be dancing around the room like he's some kind of sacrifice on an altar.

He turns his head and sees Dean sitting on the desk chair, only it's pulled up beside Sam's bed and that's never a good sign. His legs are propped on Sam's mattress and are crossed at the ankles, and the heel of his socked foot is digging uncomfortably into Sam's thigh.

“You really awake this time?” Dean slaps the laptop closed and puts it back on the desk. He sounds four shades of crap, all whiskey and gravel, and he doesn't look much better either; a couple of days of rusty stubble on his cheeks, and his eyes look tired, maybe even haunted.

“Er, I think so.” Sam scratches his face, and finds long soft hairs under his fingertips. Shit, how long has he been in bed? “Jess called for you, right? When was that?”

Dean takes a sharp breath, and closes his eyes, and Sam can tell he's holding his breath, like he's trying to stop time or something.

It's only then that the world really takes on a sharper focus and the shadows stop dancing, and Sam really thinks about what he just said. He looks over to his left, but the other side of bed is empty. He runs his hand over the cold sheets that don't even smell like her.

He turns to looks at Dean and their gazes meet, but neither of them says a thing.

Dean clears his throat. “I thought it was just a regular fever, but I don't know, I guess you never really know in our line of work.”

Sam nods, and runs his tongue over his chapped lips. His eyes sting with unshed tears, and a familiar lump of grief and guilt wedges itself so tightly in his throat he could choke on it.

He didn't even get to say goodbye.

The End

JagfanLJ: Wibblejagfanlj on May 24th, 2018 06:14 pm (UTC)
That last line... I'll just me over here in the corner sobbing.
madebyme_x: pic#110142851madebyme_x on May 24th, 2018 06:39 pm (UTC)

Eeek, I know!! It's full of hurt and not much comfort but gosh, that's one of the reasons why I love this pairing!!! Thank you so much for reading and stopping by (and sorry about the sobbing!) Take care :)

julchen11julchen11 on May 25th, 2018 01:15 pm (UTC)
That hurts, that hurts so much... The last line, oh dear...
This is incredibly heartbreakingly beautiful, what a Picture you've painted with words. Amazing work, sweetie, simply perfect! *wipes tears away*
madebyme_xmadebyme_x on May 25th, 2018 03:06 pm (UTC)
You're so kind and generous with your words - thank you! I'm happy that enjoyed this sad little fic and thanks again for being so lovely. Take care *hugs*
roxymissrose: bb 2018roxymissrose on May 25th, 2018 02:38 pm (UTC)
Ask me why I break my 'LJ break to pull myself together' only to read THIS thousand(!) word punch to the heart, and then collapse into a puddle of tears and sadness? I didn't think reading anything about Jess and how Sam loved her could affect me anymore. Boy, was I wrong. That last line especially--I feel like that when I wake up from a dream about my mom.

*bows* You're amazing.

madebyme_xmadebyme_x on May 25th, 2018 03:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you for your amazing comment! I'm so very touched and honoured that my little fic could leave such an impression, but I think we can all relate to Sam's grief, and I guess that's where the power of it lies. I really like the idea of a fever dream being so real that it could stir up these emotions. Thanks again for your kind and encouraging words. Take care :)
septembers_codaseptembers_coda on May 25th, 2018 02:51 pm (UTC)
ooooh, the heartbreak. <3 <3 THANKS FOR THAT.

No but seriously. This was great. Thanks for sharing it with us--you're right, there will ALWAYS be room for sick!Sam.
madebyme_xmadebyme_x on May 25th, 2018 03:13 pm (UTC)
Hehe, you're welcome ;)

I will always keep coming back to Sam/Jess and the emotions that that relationship can stir up. I'm so late with this fic, but I'm happy that you enjoyed it (despite the heartbreak!) Take care :)
Lady Moon-Loona-cyjennytork on May 25th, 2018 04:41 pm (UTC)
That was so --- ouch.

It was perfect.
madebyme_xmadebyme_x on May 25th, 2018 04:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for stopping by and reading! I just can't help myself with Sam/Jess prompts and I knew I just had to fill it. I'm happy that you enjoyed it. Take care :)
borgmama1of5borgmama1of5 on May 26th, 2018 02:53 am (UTC)
I love how we just start in the middle of this and aren't really sure if this is an AU where Jess is still alive...and then you land a gut-punch at the end.
madebyme_xmadebyme_x on May 29th, 2018 03:21 pm (UTC)
Hehe, I'm just cruel like that!!! ;) Thank you for stopping by and reading. Take care
tyrsibs: pic#121849039tyrsibs on May 26th, 2018 03:20 am (UTC)
Oh, this is both painful and lovely. How is that possible?
madebyme_xmadebyme_x on May 29th, 2018 03:23 pm (UTC)
You know me, I just can't help but exploit the bittersweet - especially with this pairing! Thank you, as always, for reading and commenting. Take care :)
So, pit stop at Mount Doom?: Jesslyryk on May 26th, 2018 01:10 pm (UTC)
So heartbreaking and beautiful! Thank you for sharing.
madebyme_xmadebyme_x on May 29th, 2018 03:24 pm (UTC)
You're so very welcome! Thank YOU for reading and commenting. I'm so happy that you enjoyed this little bittersweet ficlet :)
lennellelennelle on May 26th, 2018 08:05 pm (UTC)
oh thank you so much for filling my prompt!
My poor Sam ;-; That ending part, where Sam asks about Jess and Dean doesn't say anything and Sam remembers... ugh, his heart must have dropped down to his feet. I wonder how things were from Dean's perspective.
That last line was especially painful. Amazing!!
madebyme_xmadebyme_x on May 29th, 2018 03:28 pm (UTC)
Thank YOU for leaving such a tempting prompt; I simply couldn't resist it (I'm such a sucker for Sam and Jess fics!) I'm so happy that you enjoyed it, even the painful ending. I imagine Dean spending most of his time nursing a fevered Sam (who in my head was calling for Jess) and fretting about it. But hey, if you ever want to write a little ficlet from Dean's POV I'd sure love to read it!!! Thanks again for your kind words and support. Take care :)
spnshannanigans: pic#108083589spnshannanigans on May 27th, 2018 06:02 am (UTC)
Lovely. Heartbreaking. Well done.
madebyme_xmadebyme_x on May 29th, 2018 03:28 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for lovely comment - I'm so happy that you enjoyed this sad little fic. Take care :)
The Long and Winding Road: moment of respiteamypond45 on May 31st, 2018 03:59 pm (UTC)
Wonderful and heart-breaking as usual! The notion of Jess living in the bunker, presumably having been with Sam all these years (so he must have told her and saved her) is fascinating. But then of course it can’t be real. Oh my heart !
madebyme_xmadebyme_x on May 31st, 2018 04:48 pm (UTC)
Hehe, I certainly do seem to have fallen down the rabbit hole of heart-break again, haven't I?! I do love the idea of Jess just living in the bunker and no one really questioning it - and how fascinating would it be if that was real? As always thank you for reading and for lovely comment. Take care my friend :)
reidseeker: pic#128448091reidseeker on June 25th, 2018 07:37 am (UTC)
Wow...that was like a punch right in the feels. Wonderfully written. This story will stick with me
madebyme_xmadebyme_x on June 25th, 2018 12:31 pm (UTC)
Re: Wow
Thank you so very much for this wonderful comment! I'm really happy that you enjoyed the fic and that it gave you feels (even if they're the painful kind!) Thanks again for stopping by and for taking the time to leave such a kind comment :)